I do kind of have my own concept of what life is. But then, I won't say I do understand what life's about and I am definitely still searching. But yeah, I think life is like u are born with this list of experiences, and as you live, u ticked them off the list.
For now, i do have some list of stuffs I wanna do in life:
1)visit a gay club (with "wildness" in it.. HAHAHAAH)
2)live in some other country for at least a few years
3) learn hip hop
4) be multi lingual
and more...
But then, till now, I still am not quite sure what I want in life, what's my passion, what i wanna do. Hmm.. yeah i do love singing, but i don't think i am going to make a career out of it.
I hate finances and money and office work and business stuff. ok not hate.. just don't really like them. But here i am taking Banking and Finance. ( it's not like i have much of a choice, is just that i have to move on in life, have to take a path, sucks!) I have always wanted to do something more science, create some sort of technology that could change the way people live. But i guess I can't do that now... ( and i am really bad at physics.. ha and actually i am not sure if i can handle that too.. ha)
So I thought about it, and hmm who says i cant do something along that line, i could get into working normally maybe get rich( hahaha) and then contribute to science through fundings.. they do need funds to research ya.. i guess..
Again, I don know.. i don know..
Sometimes, I feel tired.. and just wanna give up. Recently, I experienced the most stressful moment of my life, which also made me think about life. DAMN EXAMS! Alrights, it's kind of a self-imposed stress because I studied last minute, if I had been constantly studying I would not have to go through all of that trauma. It was the first time i felt so stressed besides A levels. But this was worst. There was this week or weeks where i cried every few days ( damn you tear glands! HA) and my head was exploding.
Haha i know there are worst stuff happening in other's lives.. but yeah for me this is bad..
Anyhows, i am kind of grateful that i went through that stressful moment of my life, it made me realised what I really care about. I think the main reason why i cried was because of my parents. They worked so hard, just to provide an education for me, and this is what i do. I feel terrible. And when u are all stressed up, suicide comes to mind, yeah this is the second time in life i thought of it. But nope i wont do that. HAHA And is also because of them I hanged on, if i were just gonna give up now because of this stress, it's gonna hurt them more i guess. So yeah i told myself, I am going to try whatever i can, (hopefully i can pass them all.. ha) and for the next coming year, I will start studying from the very beggining. YES I CAN DO THIS! I WILL GET 4 FRIGGIN As.. AND GET A FIRST CLASS HONOURS!
But now, I feel life is a long and tedious journey, you gotta keep working hard for things, I am not sure if I can handle that. But it's something i gotta do. The future is scary, but then we cant stay on to things we are comfortable with. I guess I will just let things happen and see how it goes. But then again, time isn't exactly kind. HA... I guess is just part of life eh.. SUCK IT UP! maybe one day i might see something.. maybe...
And yeah Death, Death is like the thing that makes me wanna "live" my life. Death is scary. But is something inevitable. We just have to embrace the fact that everyone dies. We will die someday, so just live ur life and not regret! =D
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